Aristotle wrote ten books on how to live the good life. Only one subject got two books: friendship. The wisest philosopher in history thought that of everything required for human flourishing, friendship was primary.

Modern research agrees. Friendship improves nearly every marker of health and well-being. Loneliness, on the other hand, is now a major driver of heart disease, dementia, depression, and premature death. We were made for connection. And yet, from 1990 to 2021, the number of people reporting ten or more close friends dropped from 33% to 13%. The number reporting no close friends has quadrupled.

We are in a friendship recession. And most of us feel it.

So what's going on? Why is something so vital so hard to find and keep?

David Brooks makes a distinction that has shifted my core motivations as a person, and leader. He draws a line between resume virtues and eulogy virtues. Resume virtues are the things you'd list on a professional document — titles earned, results delivered, skills acquired, organizations built, marathons run. Eulogy virtues are what someone would say at your funeral: that you were present, that you were honest, that you loved well, that you showed up when it cost you something.